Parish Discussion on Marriage and Family Life

Summary of consultation at St. Laurence’s parish, Cambridge

Background

St Laurence’s parish is the third of the three Cambridge parishes with a Catholic population of 3,500 and regular Mass attendance of just over 700. The congregation is very diverse with people from many parts of the world, many first languages and ethnic origins. Being central Cambridge it has a number of highly educated professional people often working in the science and technology industries or the University but it also has a large area of social housing with pockets of considerable deprivation. The parish extends into the country covering several villages. St Laurence’s is also home to a large traveller community. There is a thriving Catholic primary school which hosts one of the Sunday Masses.

To prepare a contribution for the Synod on the Family of 2015 two small discussion groups were set up and a questionnaire comprising 19 questions (2 sides of A4) with questions taken from 2 online questionnaires (view questions). This was only offered in hard copy over two Sundays in April, 2015.

Discussion groups

The discussion groups were lively but their small size meant they could not be considered to represent the parish’s opinions. However, a variety of non-standard families were represented including Catholic\Protestant northern Irish, Catholic\Anglican, divorced, cradle Catholic across ethnic divide, the parent of a son in a gay partnership as well as a cradle Catholic older man married to another cradle Catholic. Issues discussed included couples living together before marriage, communion after divorce, gay relationships etc. Sadly both fathers of primary school aged children feared most of their children's generation would be unlikely to remain in the faith as adults though they commented that this was the same as it had been for their own generation. It was noted that modern children enjoy TV and books featuring children in non-standard families and see these as normal, standard families being defined as those consisting of two parents of opposite gender plus their children. Over the past 20+ years stories featuring non-standard families have become an important feature of children’s entertainment to prevent children living in foster homes, with grandparents, in re-constructed families after divorce etc. feeling that they are outsiders. Most participants knew people who were gay and in gay relationships.

Questionnaire repsonse

VIEW THE DETAILED QUESTIONNAIRE RESULTS (PDF FILE) >

116 questionnaires were returned, 1 after the graphs, which seem to be self explanatory and therefore are given little additional comment, had been completed. 61 questionnaires had no additional comments. Comments on the others covered a range of topics often addressing more than one issue. A small number criticised the format of the questionnaire and many people left indications that they found it hard to answer in some parts.

The areas most frequently brought up covered criticism of the hierarchy, often in quite angry terms, and comments directly related to modern life with a large number addressing gay relationships. The importance of good pastoral care from parish priests was noted and this parish was felt to be very well served in general. It was also noted that there is very little teaching of Catholic attitudes and rules in the time when most people have face to face contact with the Church, i.e. Sunday Mass. Homilies are usually focussed on the Bible reading and the teaching of Jesus. The result of this is that many people seem not to know where they stand in relation to Church teaching in the present day so they either just get on with it as they feel best or, sadly, probably leave the Church.

The hierarchy was felt to be out of touch with modern thinking, an exception was made in the case of Pope Francis. The higher up the hierarchy one goes the greater this detachment is perceived to be.

“the documents including questionnaire sent to the laity were written (1) in language that was often inaccessible (2) indicative of an out-of-date attitude. The English\Welsh hierarchy have handled this very badly – this is not true of some other hierarchies, nor of Pope Francis.” (70+ male).

“the church seems caught up in traditions and does not engage with changes in society”.

“the church must come into the world as it is today if it is to attract and hold on to young Catholics. The very old practices maintained by those in the Vatican need to be modernised. Perhaps we should not be governed by this small minority”. (70+).

“a loving God would not discriminate as the Church does. Individual priests within the Church are often very welcoming but not all are”.

“Young People in particular are very likely to drift away from the Church in adolescence because they see it as outdated, intolerant and obsessed by adherence to dogma rather than the love of Christ” (50-70 male).

In the comments regarding the Church’s attitude to sex and sexuality more than one responder said that they believed the clergy should be allowed to marry. “priests\religious should be allowed to marry and have a family life of their own if they so choose”.

There were very few comments that reflected the traditional wing of the Church although the questionnaires without comments show that there are many people who adhere to traditional feelings and beliefs and these are by no means all older. However, it would appear that he congregation at St. Laurence’s is predominately liberal reflecting the city in general.

“I feel St. Laurence’s is generally an incredibly welcoming community. People from all walks of life, with many diverse personal problems, are openly welcomed. However, I strongly disagree with some of the teachings of the Church as an institution; I feel that teachings on same-sex relationships are offensive, and find it deeply alien that in a world full of anger we effectively ostracise people whose love has something positive to contribute to our international community. I think those teachings on contraception contribute to those outside the Church perceiving it not to be merciful. As a person who lives with my boyfriend I definitely think the Church should review its understanding of the value of co-habiting …. I very much value this survey as we don’t often get an chance to voice views on these topics – thank you” (25-35 female)

“The Church should focus on Jesus’ teaching about love, justice, peace, not strictly regulating people’s sexual behaviours”.

Sample of answers to specific questions

Comments related to individual questions of the Questionnaire:

1-5 “’Family’ has changed over the centuries, love had (sic) not. We need to be more inclusive not exclusive ….. families of two or more denominations should be able to receive communion in each other’s churches”. “….. children of those in same sex marriages who need to feel welcome in our churches, schools and on our First Communion programmes.” “I am single so I have never felt included in the social aspects of the church, as it is always for families.”

“After years the church can seem unwelcoming to my one parent and otherwise diverse family. I don’t think all families are equally valued.”

“Before condemning irregular relationships we should test our reactions – does this harm anyone, does this ‘family’ add to the stability and peace in society in general. Would Christ applaud this relationship?” (50-70 female)

(the Church should) …. Support those dealing with infertility and how it makes people feel who undergo this – adoption is not always the answer!” (25-35 female)

6 “Jesus tolerated many irregular people and left it to them to see if they would accept or reject his teaching”.

7. “Pastoral care of divorced and remarried people including reception of the Sacraments is vital to our future evangelisation efforts”.

11. “ …. Some people who marriages have broken down do not want an annulment (a declaration that it was not a valid marriage)” “Since when did Jesus say that such rules be reserved to strictly clerical judgement?” “In some cases where a marriage has gone badly wrong it is kinder to both parents and the children to divorce and maybe form a new relationship”.

12. “I know two men who were healed by God (one through the Blessed Sacrament) the other God showed in him what it is to be a man by saying to him “Look at my mother”. “I find it very disheartening that despite Jesus teaching us that we should treat each other as equals and that all are welcome at church, the Catholic Church has such contradictory teachings. Love is so important, but does it really matter if you love someone of the same gender? I strongly disagree, as do most people of my age. And that’s the issue. The teachings of the Church are so “backward” and quite frankly don’t have a pace in our society. Its no wonder that people are driven away from the Church as it is fund to be intolerant.” (15-25 female)

“I think same sex partnerships are very sad for any children that may be involved …” (70+ female)

A high proportion of comments were made with regard to same sex relationships.

19. “none of the Catholics I have known has obeyed its teaching on contraception”. The graphs show that the issue of contraception is completely out of touch with day to day Catholic life, one responder, a GP, said that prescribing contraceptives was far more effective for young people than counselling against active sexual behaviour. “I think that using contraceptives in a stable couple is not in contradiction with responsible parenting.”

“opposition to contraception, excluding divorced and remarried Catholics from Communion, campaigning against same sex civil marriage (which is not the same as Sacramental marriage) – these are not fundamentals of our faith and they will not stand the test of time. I pray that the Church changes its attitude on these items, sooner rather than later, and instead gives its energies to proclaiming the joy of the faith that brings us to St. Laurence’s every week” (35-50 male)

“the church has a problem over sex and women. Parish priests should be allowed to marry (encouraged). Its attitude to women comes from the middle east and the Middle Ages and should be brought up to date.” (70+ male)

Conclusion

There are may further comments which could usefully be added but would make the report too long. The graphs are very interesting and show much about the thinking/opinions of the responders. It would have been interesting to have been able to analyse the questionnaire on ethnic grounds but this felt too intrusive and it was originally feared that numbers might be too low for any valid result. About 20% of adults attending St. Laurence’s on two specific Sundays responded.